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Keep your expectactions low
Posted by: HoboSylvain | 2013-12-03 15:41:22 | Mexico City, The Federal District, Mexico
Keywords: Reflection
The bigger your dreams, the bigger will be your life. Even if you don't realise all your dreams, The simple fact you have some makes your life richer than the one of those who don't have any. But making your dreams a reality will be so much rewarding than just dreaming them. When I'm saying to keep your expectations low it is about your interactions with others.

Why?  Because those other persons have liberty of choice and action.  That means they will probably do things differently than you would or expect.  If you do something for someone in hope to get something back from that person, you will probably disappointed, especially if that other person is impulsive.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all do things because we basically want to feel pleasure or avoid feeling pain, in whatever form it is.  For example, if you do something for someone you do expect something back from that action.  Normally that return would come from that other person.  It could be a smile, a hug, time, attention, recognition, sex, money, etc.  It could even be on many levels, you expect return A but also hope for return B.

If the feedback is not there at all, or even if it's there but not in the expected form or timeframe, you might feel hurt, disappointed, misunderstood, rejected and other negative emotions.  Most people are equipped to deal with that and would say that's part life.

Most people would agree that the benefits outweigh the risks, that the pleasures of interacting with others are more rewarding than the failures and their scars.  My solution is to keep expectation on others very low or even better move those expectations in yourself, but it doesn't always work.

Most people interact with others to gain the benefits of the relationships.  I'm not of this majority. 

Even at my age, I haven't reached this level of social maturity.  In my case, I often don't interact with others by fear of being hurt, because I don't enjoy the benefits of social contacts as intensely as I feel the deceptions. That's why I often dreamt of becoming an hermit, and part of the reasons why I left the normal frame of society by hitting the road.

I realise that escaping the routine and living in parallel of the society isn't the same as living apart from it.  I work hard to improve my social skills, but that's very hard.  I much prefer to spend a day without any social contact.

A dear friend of mine told me recently that she envied very much my intelligence.  I would gladly tear apart my Mensa membership card to have her social skills, which Mensa members are often deprived, as is there was not enough room in the brain for both.

I guess I could have titled this entry 'Confessions of a social misfit'.  What do you think?

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