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Reflexions on life and friendship
Posted by: HoboSylvain | 2013-07-04 19:31:32 | Revere, Massachusetts, United States
Keywords: dream to reality, friendship
On many occasions when people were asking me why I was doing this non-sense thing of becoming a full-time traveller, my answer was “to see the world”. That's partly true... but not entirely. There are other motivations that led me to make this choice and to leave.

One of those reasons is I never felt comfortable in society. Due to many failures in my childhood, including the lack of adequate developing environment, I was never at ease in life... at any moment, at any place.

A few months ago they discovered a hermit in northern Maine, when I saw that I was immediately envious of what he did. If I could, I would too retire from the world and not have any contact with society for a long time. I enjoy so much the days when I can stay silent and not talk to a soul. Even though I like to teach and share what I know and discover, the price to pay is often too high and leaves a very bitter after-taste.

Why do I feel that way? Because I never saw a place for me in society. I never dreamt of the white-picketed fence with a wife and 1.5 children. I never dreamt of having a car... as a status symbol or even just as a symbol of autonomy. I never dreamt of having a long-time career, but I always wanted to improve people's life or work through my programing. I rarely dreamt having a long-time companion, although I do have periods when I'd like to experiment that, especially to share the moments of joy.

I've been hurt so many times by people too. I always thought if I were a generous (in time and money), a kind and respectful person, I would somehow be treated the same way. You know, the old religious saying “Treat the others like you'd like to be treated”. Well, I still believe it to be true most of the times... and I will continue to trust people by default until that trust is proven misplaced. Even if I'm hurt more often that I could wish.

I've been rejected by people and by society so many times, hurt so many times in my soul and heart that I don't have any original material left to stitch them back.

Recently, a friend posted on her Facebook wall a simple question... “What is a friend?” I find it's hard to answer. I know what friendship is not... it's not someone who manipulate you in order to deceive and hurt you, as I recently experienced. Friendship like ice cream often comes on many flavours. I guess my basic definition could be “Someone you can count on when you need them”. For others, it might be “Someone you can count on when you want to have fun”. But does someone get this status after hours, months or years of knowing them?

Once again, that comes in many flavours. Some people you've met decades ago, were friends then and lost contact due to life evets.... then you know you can pick-up the phone and know they'll answer the call and be there for you. I have a few of those... they know who they are. If you have some of those too, take a moment to place a call or send an email to them. Then, there are those with whom you feel an immediate connection the moment you see them... a friendship equivalent to being struck by an arrow of Valentine.

But friendship coming in various flavours, also adapt to your moment in life, just your taste evolve with the years. Yes, you'll always love the chocolate ice cream of your childhood... but you also develop interest for many other varieties. I know I'll develop many “temporary” friendship along the route that will last from a few hours to a few days often, based on the necessities of the moment... when you need someone to trust for a short moment in time.

Again, that's a necessity of life when you live amongst society. Yes, many of those friendships will fail, but most should prevail. Just because someone didn't deserve your respect and kindness, it's not a reason not to continue to be kind in general. I believe in general karma and that what I do good in general will return to me in a positive way. Just like I always stopped to offer some help at people I saw looking at a map in Montreal... because I know I'd appreciate to be helped in such context when in an unknown city.

What I said about not letting those who fail you rob you of your generosity towards people in general, could also be true for love. Although, when hurt in love, the pain is much deeper and so much more painful that it's hard to open yourself again to other possibilities. Most can recover from that, but some can't.

So, why am I roaming the world? To find a place where I could be comfortable in society... or until I find a way to become a hermit.


Related posts:
Can we really miss...
Am I afraid?
From dream to reality, part 1

Comments

Your friend
left this comment on 2013-07-04 19:55:43


Oh WOW!!! You wrote this beautifully and it says everything. you know, a few people asked me why I asked this question to begin with. The only reason was so one would stop and really think about it. In the end, unconditional acceptance and appreciation of another is what friendship/love really means. having said that, it is one thing to know it but completely another thing to actually practice it... which is why i love what you wrote.


Antonia
left this comment on 2013-07-05 19:10:38


Sylvain, I think in some ways we have all felt a bit of an outcast in society. Not everyone is able to step out and stand up outside the expectations that society imposes on us. We hide behind a facade trying to fit in. You are truly an inspiration to step up and allow ourselves to be our true self. Thanks for sharing


Gaston
left this comment on 2013-08-19 10:12:28


Je me souviens t'avoir demandé qu est-ce qui t avait motivé a faire ce choix de vie.....et tu m avais repondu; ca prend plus que quelques lignes pour y repondre. Merci d y avoir repondu en partie ici...je comprend mieux. Je comprend mieux aussi pourquoi je ressentais toujours un déséquilibre dans nos partages de vies, principalement sur le plan affectif, émotif, et personnel a chacun. Ta grande générosité a toujours été appréciée, et reconnue a mes yeux...mais je ne pense pas te l avoir rendu a sa juste valeure....puisses-tu me le pardonner. Je suis quelqu un qui a besoin de partager ses émotions, sa vie dans l ensemble de mes rapports avec les humains....et je t ai mal jugé.....croyant que tu ne t'intéressais pas ces aspects de l'amitié. Bref, c'est tres touchant de lire ton texte! Merci et vis ton rêve Sylvain!




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