|On many occasions when people were asking me why I was doing this non-sense thing of becoming a full-time traveller, my answer was “to see the world”. That's partly true... but not entirely. There are other motivations that led me to make this choice and to leave.|
One of those reasons is I never felt
comfortable in society. Due to many failures in my childhood,
including the lack of adequate developing environment, I was never at
ease in life... at any moment, at any place.
A few months ago they discovered a
hermit in northern Maine, when I saw that I was immediately envious
of what he did. If I could, I would too retire from the world and
not have any contact with society for a long time. I enjoy so much
the days when I can stay silent and not talk to a soul. Even though
I like to teach and share what I know and discover, the price to pay
is often too high and leaves a very bitter after-taste.
Why do I feel that way? Because I
never saw a place for me in society. I never dreamt of the
white-picketed fence with a wife and 1.5 children. I never dreamt
of having a car... as a status symbol or even just as a symbol of
autonomy. I never dreamt of having a long-time career, but I always
wanted to improve people's life or work through my programing. I
rarely dreamt having a long-time companion, although I do have
periods when I'd like to experiment that, especially to share the
moments of joy.
I've been hurt so many times by people
too. I always thought if I were a generous (in time and money), a
kind and respectful person, I would somehow be treated the same way.
You know, the old religious saying “Treat the others like you'd
like to be treated”. Well, I still believe it to be true most of
the times... and I will continue to trust people by default until
that trust is proven misplaced. Even if I'm hurt more often that I
I've been rejected by people and by
society so many times, hurt so many times in my soul and heart that I
don't have any original material left to stitch them back.
Recently, a friend posted on her
Facebook wall a simple question... “What is a friend?” I find
it's hard to answer. I know what friendship is not... it's not
someone who manipulate you in order to deceive and hurt you, as I
recently experienced. Friendship like ice cream often comes on many
flavours. I guess my basic definition could be “Someone you can
count on when you need them”. For others, it might be “Someone
you can count on when you want to have fun”. But does someone get
this status after hours, months or years of knowing them?
Once again, that comes in many
flavours. Some people you've met decades ago, were friends then and
lost contact due to life evets.... then you know you can pick-up the
phone and know they'll answer the call and be there for you. I have
a few of those... they know who they are. If you have some of those
too, take a moment to place a call or send an email to them. Then,
there are those with whom you feel an immediate connection the moment
you see them... a friendship equivalent to being struck by an arrow
But friendship coming in various
flavours, also adapt to your moment in life, just your taste evolve
with the years. Yes, you'll always love the chocolate ice cream of
your childhood... but you also develop interest for many other
varieties. I know I'll develop many “temporary” friendship along
the route that will last from a few hours to a few days often, based
on the necessities of the moment... when you need someone to trust
for a short moment in time.
Again, that's a necessity of life when
you live amongst society. Yes, many of those friendships will fail,
but most should prevail. Just because someone didn't deserve your
respect and kindness, it's not a reason not to continue to be kind in
general. I believe in general karma and that what I do good in
general will return to me in a positive way. Just like I always
stopped to offer some help at people I saw looking at a map in
Montreal... because I know I'd appreciate to be helped in such
context when in an unknown city.
What I said about not letting those who
fail you rob you of your generosity towards people in general, could
also be true for love. Although, when hurt in love, the pain is much
deeper and so much more painful that it's hard to open yourself again
to other possibilities. Most can recover from that, but some can't.
So, why am I roaming the world? To
find a place where I could be comfortable in society... or until I
find a way to become a hermit.